Lying, Stealing, and Truancy

Lying

There are various reasons why a child might lie. For children between ages 2 and 4 yr, lying can be used as a method of playing with language. By observing the reactions of parents, preschoolers learn about expectations for honesty in communication. Lying can also be a form of fantasy for children, who describe things as they wish them to be rather than as they are. To avoid an unpleasant confrontation, a child who has not done something that a parent wanted may say that it has been done. The child's sense of time and reason does not permit the realization that this only postpones a confrontation. It is important for the parent to keep in mind that lying behavior in this age-group is rarely malicious or premeditated.

In older children , lying is generally an effort to cover up something that they do not want to accept in their own behavior. The lie is invented to achieve a temporary good feeling and to protect the child against a loss of self-esteem. Lying in this age-group is also an attempt to avoid a negative consequence for misbehavior. Older children are also more likely to intentionally leave out critical parts of a story in an attempt to deceive or avoid a negative consequence. Habitual lying can also be promoted by poor adult modeling. Many adolescents lie to avoid adults' disapproval. Alternatively, lying may be used as a method of rebellion. Chronic lying can occur in combination with several other antisocial behaviors and is a sign of underlying psychopathology or family dysfunction.

Parents should address lying by giving the child a clear message of what is acceptable. Sensitivity and support combined with limit setting are necessary for a successful intervention. While habitual lying can become frustrating for parents, they should be discouraged from making accusations or focusing on catching their child in a lie and instead should work toward creating an atmosphere that makes it easier for their child to tell the truth. Parents should let the child know that telling the truth about a difficult situation will allow the parents to help them better problem-solve the issue at hand. Should a situation arise where the parents are aware of the details, the lie should be confronted while providing the facts of what is known and also stating the desired or expected behavior. If a parent is aware that a child took a cookie without permission and the child denies it, the parent can state, “I am disappointed that you took the cookie without permission. I need you to ask me first.” The child is then reminded of how he can get things that he desires in an acceptable way; an appropriate consequence can then be given. Parents should be encouraged to address the expectations for their home and children in a family meeting or in regular discussions with their child outside the context of the child's lying.

Regardless of age or developmental level, when lying becomes a common way of managing conflict, intervention is warranted. If this behavior cannot be resolved through the parents' understanding of the situation and the child's understanding that lying is not a reasonable alternative, a mental health evaluation is indicated.